Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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