Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
