how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
