so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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