There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
