watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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