He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
