I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
wanna go halves on a baby?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
