Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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