why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
