dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
