Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
