: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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