The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
