the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
