Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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