Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
