Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
