I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
