Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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