singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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