:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
