oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
