No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
