You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
