Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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