But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
