I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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