i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
