i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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