She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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