i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
