Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
