Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
