I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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