ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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