I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need to sanitize my soul.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
