Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
