wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
