Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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