Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
