I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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