wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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