I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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