so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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