Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
