I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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