Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
