Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
