so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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